To those who loved, and love me

Dear Family and Friends (Both Former and Current),

I thought it important that I write a letter to all those who are or have been close to me, and to hopefully explain and apologize for some of my actions. I went through a period of such severe depression that I was overmedicated-- which sent me into a tailspin. I was overly sensitive, agitated, manic and always moody. I was bitchy, unfriendly and unforgiving. I held grudges, couldn't let go of the past and couldn't understand why. I felt sorry for myself and expected everyone to do the same. I became aggressive and dark as opposed to my happy go lucky self. I am happy to say that I have found treatment and beaten this period and now would like to make amends. Please find your name for your section!

Ashley, JP, Mike, Court:
I am so sorry for the countless times that I have made plans with you and had to last minute cancel. Multiple Sclerosis is an unpredictable disease at best and can rear its ugly head so quickly. I have been questioned on whether my symptoms are real because people cannot understand how you can function normally one day and lose the ability to walk unassisted the next. The migraines that I suffer from often come in the late afternoon and early evening and can leave me unable to leave a dark room in bed. The fatigue that I have nearly daily can make me lose my breath and go weak after walking down one flight of stairs. It is so frustrating because I want more than anything to get out of the house! This place is my home, but mainly my prison, where I spend most of my time. I used to love to go out and having that taken from me has been difficult. Thank you for inviting me countless times to hang out, and I sincerely apologize for my cancellations. Please, please do not stop inviting me. I honestly have very few friends left and if I lose you guys I will be friendless! I try to make it when I feel up to it, just know I never try to make excuses not to see you. Honestly I could throw up at the thought of spending one more evening at home on my couch. Thank you for your kindness and sticking by me!

Josh:
Where do I start? I just want to say that I am sorry for everything. Honestly and truly, everything. You are one of the most amazing, genuine people I have ever met and I miss you dearly. I sometimes Facebook stalk you to see how you are doing, lol. I saw about your dad. I am sorry. And I am sorry I wasn't there. I heard once you referred to our loss of friendship as painful as a divorce. It was for me too and I spent a lot of nights crying. Honestly I still do. No one has ever understood me on the level you did and I would give anything to have that back. I felt like you abandoned me, but I have forgiven that and I just plain miss you. I am happy to see you are in a relationship. Congrats. I still love and care about you very much and have never had a more best friend. I think about you often and it makes my heart hurts. I wish you well though. Lots of hugs.

Tiffany:
 I am so sorry for everything. I am sorry I wasn't at your wedding. I am sorry I made those mistakes when we were trying to plan, but most of all I am sorry I got pregnant when you were engaged.. I know that sounds dumb but I am acutally truly sorry. I got so sick and depressed I just wasn't even functioning. I honestly slept 20 hours a day, was barely there for my daughter and attempted suicide. It was bad. I didn't let you in because I didn't want you to see my pain. I wanted everything to be so special for your big day. I wanted you to have everything in your wedding that I didn't have in mine-- true happiness. I miss you. I miss having someone to shop with. I have no girlfriends. None. I haven't gone to the mall since we last did together. I miss you so much and would give anything to take everything back, to go back in time, to change it. I was a total bitch and highly sensitive. I have been through a lot and I know that doesn't excuse any of my actions, but I just hope you can understand why. I know that you have blocked me... but I hope you read this and reconsider a friendship. I wish you and Braden every happiness in the world. Love ya to death and your family.

Toni:
I am sorry I never sent you a thank you note for the wedding gift... my marriage fell apart so fast I was scrambling to pick up the pieces and never did send out the thank you cards. I know that was a bitchy move on my part.. I would do it now but it is three years later! I have retreated from you a little because I felt like you judged me for dating Alex.I remember when I told you he was 10 years older than me and you said "Eww" and it hurt. He takes care of me in a way that Casey never could. Through everything I have been through, I have aged and I no longer relate to guys our age. I hope that you can understand and get to know him sometime. He really is a great person and my soul mate. Age is just a number for us, and we are very happy. I love you girl and I miss you. I wish you and Mike the best. You deserve it beautiful.

Toyshika:
I know that I didn't know you very well and we clashed on the subject of single motherhood. I just wanted to apologize... I was in a very difficult point in my life and felt alone. It wasn't Alex's fault and you were right... he was there for me much more than I gave him credit. I just wanted to apologize and say that I hope we can get off to a better start next time. We are really excited to come down to Vegas for the wedding. Congratulations

Stacie and Dave:
I am sorry that you had to deal with mine and Alex's fighting and I wanted to thank you for giving him a place to stay. We went through a very difficult time when I became ill. I think Alex lost himself for awhile. We love each other very much, but we had to make sure it was right. I pushed him to move out because I honestly thought he would be happier without me.. with someone who wasn't sick. I am sorry you had to deal with us during this time and I know it may have impacted your opinion of me. I just wanted to apologize and say that I hope things can improve from here. No worries.. Alex won't be coming back to live with you again haha.

Megan Erickson:
 I am sorry for what happened around your birthday. I still never did find out what I said to upset you, but honestly you are right, it doesn't matter. I miss having your friendship and someone to talk to. I heard you got married, so Congrats. Thanks for being there for many when I was at my darkest. You and Mike really were true blue friends to me and I messed that up. Forgive me, if you can.

Mom and Todd:
 I am sorry that you have had to deal with my anger, mood swings and help so much with the kids. I know that around Christmas and New Years things got really dark for me and everything fell apart. I am sorry that I failed you and I hope I never see that side of myself again. It was horrible and I needed help. I needed what I got and I thank you for having the wisdom to know what is best for me.. even though I am an adult. I love you. Mommy, you are my hero. My everything and the person and mother I want to be someday. I need you just as much now as I did when I was little, maybe more. I am so happy that my best friend is my mom. Not many people can say that. I am very lucky.

Sarah:
I am sorry for all the years in high school when I didn't know how to help you..I distanced myself because I didn't know what to do. I am sorry that sometimes I fail you and don't have the right things to say. I want you to know that I am so involved in your treatment and want to be there for you in anyway that you will let me. I see myself in you and I know you are strong. You can fight things, you can win. I want to be there with you when you beat this. Because you WILL. And you will fix your marriage and find happiness in life. Please let me be there.

Emily:
I am sorry that I have gone through periods of aggitation and withdrawal. I avoided calls because I just couldn't talk about what I was going through sometimes. It felt like we were in a one-upping contest on who had it worse and that is just not the way it should be. We are both warriors fighting horrible diseases and should be our biggest supporters. I am happy that things are changing and we are getting closer again. You have inspired me to thoroughly look into nutrition and holistic therapy and you remind me that I am not alone in this fight. I love you and can't wait to see you.

Yon:
Yon, I am sorry for the fights we had during the holidays. I know that we were going through some rough times and we just fought with each other. I was too sensitive and I pushed you away when you tried to help. I know that you were just trying to help and be supportive. I miss the quotes and song suggestions you would send me. They were very helpful. I miss ya buddy, and hope to see you soon!

And finally... My Alex:
Oh Alex, where do I begin? I love you so much. You are the best thing that ever happened to me. My knight in shining armor, my everything. You are my best friend, my biggest fan and also my greatest challenger. You push me to do the best I can, to keep fighting, to constantly look for ways to feel better. You put up with my constant whining and help out much more than you should have to after working a full time job. You listen patiently as I go off on my little tangents and I love you for it. You never cease to tell me how beautiful you think I am, even after almost 4 years together. Almost everyday... and even though I challenge you on it, it means the world to me. I love you so much.
I am sorry that you fell in love with someone who is so sick, physically and mentally. I know that you could have left countless times but you didn't. You stuck it out through my aggression and anger, my depression and mania, through my anxiety and chronic pain. I can't thank you enough for being you. My rock. My soul mate. I can't wait to get married and be Mrs. Latimer forever :)



I love you all so much and this has been waying on me for some time. I hope that you all can find it in your hearts to figure this woman. I am so so sorry.

Sincerely,
Val